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Disarming Honesty
Daniel Raphael ~ 1974
Disarming honesty is
sometimes more
than most folks care
to hear.
Where thoughts are bared
with humility,
no harm intended
to the listener.
His shock is
too great to contain
as it spills out
as uncertain gestures,
waiting for your conclusion,
only to find it is
his turn to speak,
but doesn't.
So ends the beginnings
of an open
relationship. Another
died in labor.
Few proceed and
explore the relations
of honest interchange.
Here, no facades to support.
No pretenses to maintain.
No issues too sacrosanct.
No hesitation to share
in friendship and caring.
Angered reaction is
seldom a problem,
as few feel certain
to do so forthrightly.
Those who do --
bury their teeth
in absorbing love,
no barbs to take hold.
Forgive me this retort.
Can my open approach
Still be too much to reply?
Hmmmm, I see I've done it again.
One facet of relationship maintenance that
no person can do for the other is to take
the courage, the gumption, the chutzpa
necessary to put your emotions, your self in
a confrontational situation where you might
just come out a "loser." I put loser in
quotes because no matter what the outcome of
the confrontation, you are a winner - a
winner because you have demonstrated with
your courage to the other person that you
care about the relationship…that you care
enough to expose your feelings, your
emotions, that tender underbelly of your
self to the other person.
It takes courage to say, "I'd like to get to
know you," or "I'd like to get to know you
better," or "There's something about our
relationship that makes me uncomfortable.
Could we talk about this?" These statements
can be meant for any other opposite in any
relationship. Yes, the statements and
questions challenge our courage to be
intimate. But intimacy and caring are at the
heart of relationships. Caring and intimacy
are to relationships as fragrance and color
are to flowers.
It takes courage to be vulnerable and to
reveal your self, but that is the only way
to deepen the relationship; and, if your
vulnerability is not honored, where your
trust is not validated by being and feeling
safe to reveal more, then the relationship
dies.
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